everybody always says, "a very peaceful feeling in whole day is when we try to close our eyes and clear our mind and it's like to feel hipnotized that we then sleep so tight." but not for me actually!.going off to bed is not as easy as they say before to me. i always get double worried of what may happen tomorrow, or start thinking anything but no-really-important and urgent enuff to think. so ,for me peaceful-feeling-before-getting asleep is a big myth. it's like there's always something chanting the words of " come on, there's still sumkinda thing to think , stay awake please" or i do even always think too hard of sum wacthed films in night. when i though it aint the way it should be ended, i thought quite hard on why and how it's gonna be that crazy. how no-important it was..
too much pressures of my before-i-sleep-ritual, i gotta be trying some traditional idea but it doesnt work whatsoever.. . saying, it was ship counting, doing math in half-asleep-and awake * and it always ends unexpectedly that i keep my mind counting with 70% awake and terrible sleepy -and damn -cnnot sleep sometime* , and try to do meditation by clearing the mind for everything* hm for this one, it's like always to tease me to think the last watched films, exams, assignment, tom welling, richard kevin, so forth...... oh my GOSH... am i doomed? o.O ?? *
oh can i juz sleep???????!!! i wanna Sleeep *checking the watch , it's 2 am, SIGH*
sometimes i work so hard for sum exercise or walk so far or go down and up the stairs in my campus for the sake of early and tighly sleep, but it's juz half working on me.i dunno why it's like so much difficult to get asleep. why so? does everyone feel the same or what?? or im born to be vampire or zombie or other nite-living-creature or what? HECK... no explanation as yet,, No identification as yet... I got no idea , tho.
okie, after whining up and sharing this fucking confusing complains, i can only keep it lying on my head and think positively, i perhaps hv sum sleeping disorder or anything but unidentified. when i cant stop bitching on this syndrome, it's better for me to leave myself experiencing this crap. oh crap.. myyy......
-- rolling the eyes--
Friday, May 30, 2008
Wednesday, May 28, 2008
no house-assistant+doin laundry by myself+cleaning up the house alone+2 days-excruciating and throbing- tension type- headache = my 4 days holiday
4 days holiday for me is as beautiful as the morning sun rising over the window* cant imagine? it's ok. me neither*. the happy and fun holiday imagination suddenly poped on my mind that i then started making sum plan to do during this worthier-than-ever holiday. it comes again to my mind with sum extravagance and super-late-nite sleep with whatever-films-to watch.oh my... it's like to come as sum euphoria to me..so much wonderful * exegaratting.
day 1-sunday
i know it's sunday and everyone muz have this time off every week but why it seemed to come huger and happier for me as i barely finished all exhausting block 11 clinical stuffs and exams last at saturday. i can even describe what it feels.yessss.... it's like a pigeon spreading its wings and ready to fly away so high without any burden. sooooo good feeling.
late wake up at the morning ( i woke @ 10-11 am hehe) stole sum hours to enjoy coz i always do biking every sunday morning and sometime the distance is kinda far. that's why it's like to lose sum one fifth of my sunday if i dun have this morning biking.
i didnt have sum interesting stuffs during the noon and afternoon. staying home is one best option when you find yogyakarta getting hottier day by day. so it's like living in whateverland where you can do whatever you want and mess all rooms , think straight that the house assistant will clean up all the mess tomorrow.mess around ,, here come the homewreckers.. halelujah. o.O
after getting bored in the house, i and sis decided to go shoppin at nite. it was nice shoppin anyway.
day 2- monday
when i was opening my eyes at 11 am * wow! late wake up again!* i felt like in sinetron haha when the girls opened the eyes beautifully with the hands rising and sweet smile upon the face.hehe weird.
and after some minutes ... i made my breakfast alone with sum groovy song. laterrr then .. taking the shower, and everything was in the right place, i was so cute in the mirror, but why i had teribly bad feeling on sumthing-unseen-yet. what was it???
i opened my back door, oh my.. i found some shirts , skirts, etc to washhhhh... i juz wished the assistant to come earlier.
* waiting for 4 hours , it was 3 pm.
i stared at the laundry bucket with serious hope and pitiful face. it's really urgent!! big bounce of clothes in the bucket is really need to be washed soon... or i will die with its smell contamination * ops not that bad*.
i kept thinking and tried to decide what best for my holiday whether only staring at that bucket*darn or wash the clothes in that bucket. it's like in 2 brances, so hasitant. huhu.
15 minutes thinking.. yes i decided to wash all of em..duuuuhhh
--------------------doing laundry by bare hand---------------------------dun wanna tell----------as it sucks alot---------------------my oh my----------------------it's even in my holiday-------------------it's ok if it's valentine ( what's the connection? stupic)---------------------
*at nite...... ohhhhhhhhhhh so tired.. so i clear my mind and sleep with my tired hands.
day 3--
i had nice time yesterday with my own laundry.. and now, the ugly and messy and lousy room gotta be my big attention. i didnt wish my asssistant to come no more, i would do all this clean up by myself. i didnt think it's holiday anymore. i rather to clean da house than leaving it without any responsible. i did it ALONE as sis was too busy with her nw block. ohhhh back painnnnnnnnn
*at nite* darrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrn............... i had hypothermy and excruciating+throbing headache.................................................................................. i couldnt tell anything for this one but it's like too much prickling and my brain seemed pushed and pulled. gyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa... i took 2 panadols in d same time .. slept then...
day 4--wednesday
no more trying to feel what this holiday's supposed to be..... no more huhuuhuhuhuh.............. excruciating and throbing tension type headache suffered me so much................i dun wanna tell the up next. no no.. it's traumatic moment to me obviously.
friday-today
i juz had my opening lecture for my new block.. it's dental management anyway.. whoooa im so excited since there will be some more hospital and clinic visitings and also role play game. hehe .. happt learning. im coming.
p.s i dun have any headache for more.. thanks panadols. i heart you <-- ga penting
day 1-sunday
i know it's sunday and everyone muz have this time off every week but why it seemed to come huger and happier for me as i barely finished all exhausting block 11 clinical stuffs and exams last at saturday. i can even describe what it feels.yessss.... it's like a pigeon spreading its wings and ready to fly away so high without any burden. sooooo good feeling.
late wake up at the morning ( i woke @ 10-11 am hehe) stole sum hours to enjoy coz i always do biking every sunday morning and sometime the distance is kinda far. that's why it's like to lose sum one fifth of my sunday if i dun have this morning biking.
i didnt have sum interesting stuffs during the noon and afternoon. staying home is one best option when you find yogyakarta getting hottier day by day. so it's like living in whateverland where you can do whatever you want and mess all rooms , think straight that the house assistant will clean up all the mess tomorrow.mess around ,, here come the homewreckers.. halelujah. o.O
after getting bored in the house, i and sis decided to go shoppin at nite. it was nice shoppin anyway.
day 2- monday
when i was opening my eyes at 11 am * wow! late wake up again!* i felt like in sinetron haha when the girls opened the eyes beautifully with the hands rising and sweet smile upon the face.hehe weird.
and after some minutes ... i made my breakfast alone with sum groovy song. laterrr then .. taking the shower, and everything was in the right place, i was so cute in the mirror, but why i had teribly bad feeling on sumthing-unseen-yet. what was it???
i opened my back door, oh my.. i found some shirts , skirts, etc to washhhhh... i juz wished the assistant to come earlier.
* waiting for 4 hours , it was 3 pm.
i stared at the laundry bucket with serious hope and pitiful face. it's really urgent!! big bounce of clothes in the bucket is really need to be washed soon... or i will die with its smell contamination * ops not that bad*.
i kept thinking and tried to decide what best for my holiday whether only staring at that bucket*darn or wash the clothes in that bucket. it's like in 2 brances, so hasitant. huhu.
15 minutes thinking.. yes i decided to wash all of em..duuuuhhh
--------------------doing laundry by bare hand---------------------------dun wanna tell----------as it sucks alot---------------------my oh my----------------------it's even in my holiday-------------------it's ok if it's valentine ( what's the connection? stupic)---------------------
*at nite...... ohhhhhhhhhhh so tired.. so i clear my mind and sleep with my tired hands.
day 3--
i had nice time yesterday with my own laundry.. and now, the ugly and messy and lousy room gotta be my big attention. i didnt wish my asssistant to come no more, i would do all this clean up by myself. i didnt think it's holiday anymore. i rather to clean da house than leaving it without any responsible. i did it ALONE as sis was too busy with her nw block. ohhhh back painnnnnnnnn
*at nite* darrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrn............... i had hypothermy and excruciating+throbing headache.................................................................................. i couldnt tell anything for this one but it's like too much prickling and my brain seemed pushed and pulled. gyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa... i took 2 panadols in d same time .. slept then...
day 4--wednesday
no more trying to feel what this holiday's supposed to be..... no more huhuuhuhuhuh.............. excruciating and throbing tension type headache suffered me so much................i dun wanna tell the up next. no no.. it's traumatic moment to me obviously.
friday-today
i juz had my opening lecture for my new block.. it's dental management anyway.. whoooa im so excited since there will be some more hospital and clinic visitings and also role play game. hehe .. happt learning. im coming.
p.s i dun have any headache for more.. thanks panadols. i heart you <-- ga penting
Sunday, May 4, 2008
i feel neutral 50% happy , 50% dun care
another week came and passed by.another block's been end up.another exams week's just come . i should keep taking everything in head till the last drop of my blood .go . goo gooo.
well...i barely had my skills lab week since last week. it's like to juice all my energy( can imagine? me neither hahaha). why it's supposed to be a big attention? coz it's teeth model boxing( boxing- study model's base ) making anyway.. the upper batch dont even have yet.huhu. the process aint simple as its look.see, we gotta make negative impression with alginat as material and sum trays as the tools bit first. and ya know.... it's such a complicated process that i had to retake it more than 11 times for maxila and mandible impressions. *sigh. when all impressions all were okay, time to go making a real model with gyps as the material. AGAIN, it needed to retake more than 8 times as i remembered.* sigh again. after having nice gyps model, i gotta work my ass to make sum adjusment for every side of model's base for both maxila and mandible that i might cry a river for retake 3 times in making appropriate model's base. omg.. .however... all those things are now all done dat well anyway.. so happy.but unfortunately im now having quite severe cough for almost 2 weeks due to overworking wid gyps that OMG... it's like to heat my throat and fill my lung with sum-hot-and -itchy fluid. soooooooo suffering..
since the issue coming for this week bout MY MOOD which i successfully discovered , here i come to tell you all of my confusions and errr hesitance through thze weeks.
i dunno what the hell happen to me lately that my mood change almoz in every minute. i cant even define which one i get for same time.hehe.it sounds so weird anyway for some people around me for they looked me performing bit different lately, maybe they look at me as the new weirdo.i realize this thing for sort but yes again i dun care too much bout that.i juz wanna be what i possibly feel at that time that i freely dun need to hide from ones.
under all circumtances, it's really nice to live my life as the way i am, and as the way it is...
hm, i dunno either what to tell as it would become a very long naration that i cant even choose which story that i wanna tell ( stupid!).
i feel so neutral... 50% happy, 50% dun care
^^
well...i barely had my skills lab week since last week. it's like to juice all my energy( can imagine? me neither hahaha). why it's supposed to be a big attention? coz it's teeth model boxing( boxing- study model's base ) making anyway.. the upper batch dont even have yet.huhu. the process aint simple as its look.see, we gotta make negative impression with alginat as material and sum trays as the tools bit first. and ya know.... it's such a complicated process that i had to retake it more than 11 times for maxila and mandible impressions. *sigh. when all impressions all were okay, time to go making a real model with gyps as the material. AGAIN, it needed to retake more than 8 times as i remembered.* sigh again. after having nice gyps model, i gotta work my ass to make sum adjusment for every side of model's base for both maxila and mandible that i might cry a river for retake 3 times in making appropriate model's base. omg.. .however... all those things are now all done dat well anyway.. so happy.but unfortunately im now having quite severe cough for almost 2 weeks due to overworking wid gyps that OMG... it's like to heat my throat and fill my lung with sum-hot-and -itchy fluid. soooooooo suffering..
since the issue coming for this week bout MY MOOD which i successfully discovered , here i come to tell you all of my confusions and errr hesitance through thze weeks.
i dunno what the hell happen to me lately that my mood change almoz in every minute. i cant even define which one i get for same time.hehe.it sounds so weird anyway for some people around me for they looked me performing bit different lately, maybe they look at me as the new weirdo.i realize this thing for sort but yes again i dun care too much bout that.i juz wanna be what i possibly feel at that time that i freely dun need to hide from ones.
under all circumtances, it's really nice to live my life as the way i am, and as the way it is...
hm, i dunno either what to tell as it would become a very long naration that i cant even choose which story that i wanna tell ( stupid!).
i feel so neutral... 50% happy, 50% dun care
^^
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